If You’re Here to Party, Put Your Hands Up for a Quick Head Count for the Fire Marshal
There are just too many beautiful people here tonight! No, really. There are actually too many of you and roughly ten to fifteen people have to leave.
Tag: Parties
Children’s Birthday Party Themes That Live Up to Their Descriptions
"Trains! Trains! Trains!" The party starts at 2 PM, but could start as late as 2:16 due to a cup that has caught fire on the track.
I’m Pleased to Announce That This Party Has Been Canceled
Having many strangers come to my home was a poorly thought-out concept, and adding alcohol to the mix surely would have created hellfire.
SORRY I HAVE TO YELL OVER THE MUSIC IN THIS NIGHTCLUB BUT YOU LOOK LIKE YOU’RE SUCCUMBING TO ENNUI BRO
LISTEN BRO. JUST REMEMBER THAT YOU CAN ALWAYS COME TO ME WHEN YOU’RE FEELING THIS WAY BRO.
New Cat Owner or My Groovy Dad at a Disco Club in the ’70s?
"Jeepers creepers! They're going to scratch the place up!"
The Wedding Ceremonies of Someone Who’s Been Married 4 Times Already
Here they come—the very few remaining loved ones that will still attend this charade. There’s Grandpa Ernie, wearing his pajamas.
I Am the Employer-Sponsored Workplace Pizza Party Intended to Make You Forget You Work for a Non-Living Wage and I Owe You an Apology
I am partially responsible for the continued shrinking of the middle class and growing wage gap among workers. I am sick about it.
I’m Quitting—This Bowling Alley Is Going to Have to Find a New CGI Skeleton to Go On-Screen After a Strike
I became a bowling alley screen animation because damn it, I love this sport and I love being a part of it.
Ooga’s Dinner Party Tips for the Busy Cavemaker
Don’t invite Glug if you are having his former mate Praki who dumped him for that Neanderthal with the wheel.
An Open Letter to Extroverts from Introverts During This Holiday Season
These last ten months of social distancing, mask-wearing, and air-hugging have to have been especially tough on extroverts.
An Open Letter to HR Departments Planning Zoom Holiday Parties
I hope this level of detail gives you a clear understanding of the lengths that many of us would go to avoid any more forced, holiday-themed fun.
The Top 5 Sleep Paralysis Demons in Panama City Beach
With so much laughter and Vicodin flooding the streets during the daylight hours, powerful dream beasts emerge to rule the night.