Real Amazon Reviews for Decorative Fall Leaf Garland, or Family Gossip About My Bold New Hairstyle?
Doesn’t fall correctly… I don’t know what the ideal shape would be, but this wasn’t it.
Tag: Holidays
I Appoint You, Nephew Bryce, as Successor in Our Family’s Line of Crazy Uncles
This family has a rich history of Crazy Uncles ruining Thanksgiving. A tradition that you are now responsible for.
I’m a Gourmet Pepper Mill Who Doesn’t Belong at This Thanksgiving Dinner
What’s that they’re talking about now? "Where’s Aunt June’s fun dip?” The fuck is fun dip? Christ in heaven, this is Thanksgiving!
The Only Thanksgiving Topic We Can’t Discuss: The Cornucopia Grapes
Nothing good will come from yelling about whether there’s a glue spot on the plastic pear that indicates where a neighboring bunch of muscats should be adhered.
In Defense of Drinking Gravy
Thanksgiving is one of the few days that I can gather with my family, eat a huge plate of delicious food, and pound back six or seven glasses of gravy.
A Scene from “The Banshees of Inishirin” or a Scene from Any of the Four St. Patrick’s Days I Had at College?
Someone chokes on a finger and vomits.
Congressional Valentines Sure to Break Through the Divisiveness
- Let’s form our own special select committee - Please be my Majority Whip - We should move forward with a discharge petition
Local Valentine’s Day Outings for the Unreluctantly Single
Visit The Zoo: The animal kingdom accepts open displays of weeping.
We Revived Love and Romance for Valentine’s Day
While you're stocking up on chocolate-covered everything, fighting tooth and nail for a dinner rez, indulge in these love bites.
A Hearty Fuck You from Cream of Tartar
I’ve given up hope when I see the cabinet door swing open, and your big, dumb hand comes lurching toward me.
Andy Cohen Drunkenly Hosts Other Holidays
Labor Day - Here’s what they won’t tell you about Karl Marx: He’s a daddy!
Come On Man, Just Let Us Adore Him
Dude, I cannot wait to get in there and silently appreciate the little fella. Let’s go!