Guac: The Expense Tracking App for Buying More Guacamole
No more acting like you don’t want guacamole or pretending that if you get guacamole, it’ll make you too full.
Comedy Writing
It’s Okay CNN, My Streaming Service, Natework, Couldn’t Find an Audience Either!
My initial thought was to upload old home movies of my clarinet recitals and junior varsity soccer games.
A Critic Reviews New York City’s Film Performances
"Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan" provides New York City with little to do than look menacing and overly grimy.
Notes on Being a Fashion Icon
I instead opt for one of my many t-shirts that feature Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs smoking marijuana.
Political Correctness Has Made Being a Comedian Impossible, But Then Again, So Has Being a Chair
As a chair on stage, they’re not expecting me to go there. They’re also not expecting me to be the one making the jokes.
Old Friend, We Sure Have Made Something of Ourselves
You with your magnificent house you built yourself, two young healthy children, and a partner who loves you for who you are, and me with my podcast.
I’m Not a Monster, I’m a Method Actor
It was not I who called her “a useless swath of dogshit,” it was, in fact, Chicago crime lord Tony Ligitano.
I’m Not a Bad Person, I’m a Performance Artist
You see, when I was fired from my job at Target for stealing money out of the register, it was actually a clever commentary on American capitalism.
When Am I Ever Going to Use This in the Real World, 2021 Edition
The grocery store is like a math classroom come to life. This fact is true even as the global food supply chain crumbles.
I Don’t Care What the Critics Say, My New Memoir “Look at My Awesome Life” Is Not a Vanity Piece!
It was never my intention to glamorize having lots of sex with beautiful women and I'm sorry if it came across that way.
The 12 Months of Midwestern Winter
May: The Memento effect begins to set in as the temperature starts to go up. You start to hear people say things like "Winter wasn’t even that bad."
What Critics Are Saying About My Debut YA Novel “The Altitude Between Us”
“With monotonous passages that seem to drone on and on, it felt at a certain point like the author himself had switched to auto-pilot.”