RE: Shelly’s House Is Opening Up: What You Need to Know
This newsletter is put together by VOLUNTEERS in Shelly's basement sewing room and it's hard for us to keep up with ALL OF YOUR MANY, MANY QUESTIONS!
Tag: Weird
A Guided Meditation for Your Late-Night Existential Dread
That was dumb. You broke your toe on a cheap desk. Inhale. Clear your mind of that very stupid thing you did. Exhale. Stupid.
Remembering My Favorite Childhood Game System
In the beginning, my friends didn’t want to come over and play, saying that my new games were “weird” and “hard to play” and “haunting.”
My Grublin’s Day Memories
Like Thanksgiving or Easter, Grublin's Day was on a different day every year, sometimes even in a different month or year.
We Just Want You to Know, We Applaud You
We applaud you for giving us something to do with our hands other than ball them up or masturbate.
All Politicians Are the Same
All politicians want to have sex with Paul Rudd.
They Didn’t Have the Potato Chips We Usually Get, So I Made Sure to Grab the Most Disgusting Ones I Could Find
Neither of us like wasabi, but these are wasabi with cinnamon and pineapple, so I have a feeling the other two flavors will overpower the wasabi.
I’m a Cenobite with a Puzzle Box That’s Way Too Hard to Solve
The goal is to attract deranged perverts and I just thought that maybe I could attract a higher class of horny weirdos, someone I could vibe with.
Oscar Wilde Gets a Little Lost in the Sauce
He could tell at once that this luncheon’s company would be quite dull, which was always exciting.
Theoretical Physicist Michio Kaku Asked Me to Stop Sending Him These Solutions to the Grandfather Paradox
Anyone who tries to create a paradox gets stopped by theoretical physicist Michio Kaku and his incredible superpowers.
Common Complaints About Our Clones
My clone is always ill. Plus, our clones are deficient in blood, because we didn’t give them enough blood, so they are often woozy.
So I Caught You Trying to Sneak an Ice Sculpture Through Security. Again.
I can see that you've just put sunglasses on him. No, you're not allowed to "Weekend at Bernie's" an ice sculpture.