I’m Sorry I Shanked You
I’m sorry for stabbing you in that gruesome prison yard bloodbath, and I’m going to learn and grow from this experience. Please accept this letter of apology.
Tag: Open Letters
An Open Letter to Our Forefathers
<p>Dear industrialists who helped build this great nation:<br /><br />It was 91 degrees for the sixth day in a row in NYC today. I step outside of my comfortable air conditioning and feel like I’m being punched in the face by a heat fist. The humidity is literally killing people -- and really annoying me. <br />
An Open Letter to My Little Hell on Earth
Dear Summer Internship, thank you for giving me something to do during the daytime. Masturbation was getting old. That said, I have to address a few issues since I started working here...
An Open Letter to Future PIC Columnists
Think you got the dangling participles it takes to be a PIC writer? First change your name, then buy a pair of sunglasses. Here comes infamy.
An Open Letter to the Snoring Girl
Baby, I stay up all night just thinking about you, but the truth is, you're a snore in the bedroom. Don't send me a letter unless it's a Z.
An Open Letter to America
Hey United States. Look I'm not trying to be critical, I just have some questions about, you know, things like Cheney, nudity, and money.
An Open Letter to My Local Mass Transit Operator
Riding the bus is never a 'pleasant' or 'punctual' experience. But Mr. Driver, please, stop lowering the handicap ramp for fun.
Dear Old People at the Gym
It's obvious you've succeeded at staving off death (thus far), but could you speed things up (the treadmill) and dress the part (athletic gear)?
The Mind of a Single Guy
Find out what goes through the average single guy's mind during the day...start to finish, completely uncensored.
Facebook 2007: An Open Letter from Mark Zuckerberg
Hey, it's your Facebook buddy here. No, not Tom, fuck him. Just want you to know that I'm thinking up new ways for you to scare people.
Civil Disobedience: The Ex-Girlfriend Letters
When your ex-girlfriend turns the revenge meter up to 'crazy,' the politely constructed blackmail letter may be your only chance at a truce.
I Really Mucked Up that Hostage Crisis
An open letter of apology from a regretful SWAT team member who put his fellow officers in danger. Just another reminder that alcohol kills.