Kentucky Derby Winner or Loving Nickname for My Vagina?
Foolish Pleasure? Super Fuzz? Cave O'Wonders? No matter which way you look at it, you picked a winner.
Tag: Sports
A Sweet Sixteen of Things More Likely to Happen to You Than Picking a Perfect March Madness Bracket
Your next tweet will go viral, attracting the attention of your biggest celebrity crush and leading to a passionate affair. (1 in 40.3 billion)
Beekeeper Suit or Fencing Uniform?
It smells a little sweaty but it’s cheaper to rent and deal with mysterious odors than buy your own at full price.
A Realistic Introduction to Your New Peloton Stationary Bike
Instructor Kate knows you won’t make it past two months on this bike, but she also knows you need her positive energy to have any chance at all.
The Last Beacon of Basketball Purity: Middle School Asthmatic Boys
They don't even have numbers on their uniforms. They just have plain, ill-fitting husky tees donated by the Knights of Columbus.
I Am an Alien Colonizer of the Planet Formerly Known as Earth, and I Assure You the Sports Team We Named After You Isn’t Racist
We were trying to get to Uranus, and had mistaken your planet for our intended destination. So we started calling you bipeds "Uranuses."
I’m an SEC-Football-Turned-Bumble Coach and Your Offense Is Trash
Your dating game plan is dogshit. I haven’t seen an operation this shit-tier since my first job at Southwestern Louisiana A&M Poly Tech State.
Ideas for New NFL Mascots: Hackers, Salmonella, and Road Rage
Imagine the home-field advantage for the SF Identity Thieves as their mascot "Guccifer 7.0" announces credit card info of the opposing players.
Backstories for the Stuffed Animals in Simulated Baseball Audience
Googly-eyed octopus behind catcher’s mound: Campaign manager for a commemorative Beanie Baby with a nascent political streak.
The Unwritten Rules of Baseball
The phone is for calling the bullpen, not pranking the loser ump by telling him his wife is in labor.
Bridgefield High School Fall Sports Are Cancelled, But Not Because We Suck at Football
Sure, our football team has been subpar ever since Brent Bryerson graduated three years ago, but that isn't a concern.
I’m You 30 Minutes from Now and I Definitely Regret Going for That Run
I’m here to tell you that you’re totally right about today not being the right day for a run. You really don’t want any part of this, man.