How to Bullshit the Perfect Fall Cocktail
Let whiskey cook slowly until boil. Add reckless spoonfuls of cinnamon until brown haze floats over liquid like a haunted fart.
Tag: Parties
An Oral History of the Monster Mash
Igor: The Lab was like a Studio 54 for ghouls and goblins, before we could be open about who we are. We were always coming up with new dances.
Socially-Conscious Activities for Gender Reveal Parties
Tear open an envelope. If you discover a dollar bill, you’re having a boy! If there’s only 81 cents inside, a girl is on her way!
The CDC’s Updated Guidelines for Seven Minutes in Heaven
You will be scrubbed down and sterilized before entering the house. It will be painful, but it is the only way to ensure a clean pre-teen.
Seven Rural Announcements Suitable for All Occasions
Woody and Rayleen Blight / Joyfully announce the recent trade of their / Rusted, two-door Ford F150 for / A 2020 black, full-sized Dodge Ram pickup
Other Historic Calamities Caused by Gender Reveal Parties
World War I (1914-1918) – Bosnian-Herzegovian couple Davud and Emina give their guests blue toy guns to fire into the streets of Sarajevo.
A Year of Children’s Birthday Parties
Riker, age 2 Theme: Toy Story Drinks: Miller Lite Damage: The moms nearly caught us dads vaping in the garage.
Please Stop Inviting Me, Leonardo da Vinci, To Your Dream Dinner Parties of People Alive or Dead
Did it ever occur to you that I wrote backwards because I was a private guy who kept to himself? You think social anxiety wasn’t a thing in 1507?
These Constant Fireworks I Hear Every Night Before Bed Is Exactly What I Needed
There’s nothing I love more than hearing all types of fireworks one after the other. Sometimes it’s a bunch of little ones; like 25 in a row.
How to Tell If You Died and Became Santa, or Are Just a Messy Bitch
I am growing a long-white beard at a scary rapid pace! Uh-oh looks like someone might have the case of being magically transformed into St. Nick!
Why I Went to Greg Johnson’s 8th Birthday Party Instead of Going to See Michael Jordan and the 1996 Chicago Bulls
The party was going to have two different kinds of ice cream cake. / I had serious concerns whether Dennis Rodman was going to be a good roster fit.
The Astrological Signs as Frat Boys
Miles, the Sagittarius, regales the party with tales from his trip to East Asia, and questions whether Western medicine is always right.