5 Reasons Why I Will Continue to Give All I Have Coaching Water Polo to Youth
I stay up nights worried that my boys will not strive to be anything more than the chairman of the board of directors for a Fortune 500 trans-Atlantic conglomerate.
Tag: Royalty
Just Because I’m a Badass Kween Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Care What the Peasants are Saying About Me
Despite the power a Badass Kween may have, the gossip of a village still stings. Stop being such backstabbing dicks, you guys.
My Good-For-Nothin’ Uncle Bequeathed Me a Million Dollars, You Jerks!
Why squander this opportunity to be a real life millionaire; a king of kings! And I'll take a big, steaming dump on top of my empty-headed uncle's grave while I'm at it.
The King’s Speech, Morale-Killing Edition
Prince Percy: "General Haggis, lovely rousing words, but I was wondering if I might also have a word with our men before the glorious fight..."
The Royal Wedding: There’s an App for That
An app so royal it makes you feel like you're wearing nothing but a gold crown and a robe while hate fucking William the Conqueror in Piccadilly Circus and drinking a cup of Earl Grey.
The Glory of King Tut
Arbitrary waiting has become my drug. I feed my addiction by going to grocery stores and lining up without anything to purchase. Sometimes when I'm really hurting I go and camp out for the next Harry Potter movie.
Why America is Better Than England
We won the war, we drive on the right side of the road, and we could care less about Victoria Beckham. Clearly, the U.S. is better than England.