I Know This Amazing Bar
Like all bars with inscrutable locations, it’s a speakeasy. A “secret” bar. But it’s a secret the way it’s “a secret” your aunt got a facelift in 2015.
Tag: Bars
Now That Everyone Knows Aliens Exist, Can I Please Hang Out with You Guys after Work?
I offered to shapeshift so that I look exactly like Kevin or even just wear a baseball cap if it would be helpful.
I’m Telling You This Is Not a Speakeasy, It’s a Laundromat
I understand that this neighborhood has changed in recent years, and to some, my frontage looks “ironically shambolic” or “intentionally distressed.”
Let’s Not Make Fun of the Guy Playing “Total Eclipse of the Heart” on the Jukebox, He’s Probably Going through a Lot
Maybe he needs to hear it very badly for whatever marriage-related problems he’s going through. If I had to guess, of course.
Your Bar Trivia Host Lays Down Some Ground Rules
Our bar trivia is not—and I can’t stress this enough—fun. Think: the SATs. Think: your driver’s exam—the one you had to study for.
Welcome to the 2022 Pub Trivia Team Draft
Stakes are high, and friendships will be severed. But as Paul’s prominent bicep tattoo says, “All’s Fair in Love and Pub Trivia.”
Are You Ordering a Drink at a Crowded Bar or Picking Up Your Meds from the Local Pharmacy?
Random people keep jostling you to get to the front of the amorphous blob you’ve been waiting in for 30 minutes.
Reviews for That Bar Where the Bartender Makes You a Drink Based on Your Personality
A shot of rum stirred into a pint of Guinness? Last night I tossed and turned, cogitating on what type of person this drink might fit.
Messy Woman’s iPhone Terrified of Bars Reopening
The iPhone knows it’s not “chill” to say this, but she prefers the pandemic life. She’s happier now!
I Run Social Media for Your Local Craft Distillery, and I Can Photograph Bottles from Every Angle
I can photograph them from straight away with the bottle centered, straight away with the bottle slightly off-center to the left...
I Wrote the “Cool S” on Every Bar Bathroom Wall, and the Pandemic Has Been Hard for Me
Some of my other ubiquitous work is "Call Your Mom" and "Single-Line, Semi-Erect Penis and Balls, With Hair Sprigs."
A Guide to All the “Bar Rescue” TV You’re Watching in Quarantine
A guide to TV shows ranging from "Bar Rescue" to "Bar Rescue Rescue Rescue Rescue Rescue Rescue Rescue Rescue Rescue," and everything in between.