The Three Laws of Robotics, If Isaac Asimov Had Led a Different Life
The Laws of Robotics, if Isaac Asimov was really into Partying: A robot must not harsh the vibe, or by inaction, allow the vibe to be harshed.
Comedy Writing
I’m a Matriarch in a Play, and I’m Sure Nothing Bad Will Happen at My Family Gathering
Awfully hot day, isn’t it? It’s always hot here in the summers, but we make do. That’s what the Edgar family does. We make do.
You Shouldn’t Have Messed with a Philosopher, and I’ll Prove It from First Principles
That’s right, I’d be afraid if I were you too. Afraid of having my actions held up to intellectually rigorous ethical scrutiny!
More Common Cowboy Problems
“I reckon this town ain’t big enough for The Both of Us, my start-up concept for a novelty cowboy singles bar.”
Excerpts from Rod Serling’s Rejected Show “The Prank Zone”
You are about to enter another world. It is a world not of matter, but of hilarious practical jokes. It’s a place we like to call… The Prank Zone.
I’m the Man Who Gets Paid to Say “Tut Tut” Every Time You Think About Sex
Depending on how gross the thought is, I’ll either do a full “tut tut” or just a simple tongue cluck. It’s an art, really.
Teens Need to Put Down Their Phones and Get Hunted by Me, a Masked Killer
I appreciate the new possibilities social media has created, but I worry about what they’re missing out on.
Fool Me Once, Shame on You, Fool Me Twenty Times and That’s a Situation
Fool me three times, there’s a little bit of shame to go around here. Admittedly, maybe I should have caught on to your character by now.
My Metamorphosis into a Monstrous Vermin Went Pretty Great, Actually
“I know you mean well, Dad,” my sister said. “But these days, it’s considered more polite to say ‘enormous insect’ rather than ‘monstrous vermin’.”
I Used to Be on the Left; Then They Laughed at My Forbidden Experiments
People I trusted to think through issues started quoting slogans I didn’t understand. “The dead are better off remaining dead,” they would say.
Introducing Men 2, the Gender for Men
Finally. A gender for men. Man 2 isn’t your GRANDMOTHER’S GENDER. Or your grandfather’s, strictly speaking.
How to Manage a Household Infestation of Artists from the Romantic Period
Don’t leave any emotions or aesthetic experiences on exposed surfaces overnight.