What I Think It Would Be Like to Be Athletic
I'm an athletic person so the sweatband is useful and does not look like the beginnings of a goofy '80s Halloween costume.
Tag: Sports
NBA Scouting Reports of Famous Historical Figures
Jesus Christ brings a robust following as well as the ability to do some pretty amazing things off the court.
EA Sports Announces New, Relatable Slate of Games
Company Softball Team 5000: Play as Herb from Accounting, who has a bad back and will inevitably have to sit out most of the innings.
We’ve Made a Few Cutbacks to This Season’s Promotional Schedule
Tie-Dye Sonics Blindfold: Take a moment to soak in the game-day atmosphere by succumbing to all of your other senses.
Pickleball: A Guide for Those Who Are Confused
Slang names for pickleball include lazy tennis, geriatric badminton, and "a weak excuse to drink Gatorade."
The People Who Will Beat You in the Thanksgiving Half Marathon for Which You’ve Trained for Months
- A nine-year-old who will be upset later that there’s no gravy for his potato volcano
I’m the New York City Marathon, and We Need to Set Some Boundaries
This is progressing faster than I can manage—remember, I’m a marathon, not a sprint.
What I Said in the Handshake Line After the Hockey Game Where I Told the Media We’d Win, Sang a Taunting Rendition of the National Anthem, Talked Way Too Much Trash, and Lost Fifteen to Zero
Good game, I didn’t mean what I said when I said, “We’re gonna kill this sorry ass team!”
Meet the Harlem Globetrotters of Redacted Documents!
Did You Know? "Stress Ball" is indirectly responsible for the death of ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛!
My Sports Analogies Are Much More Sophisticated than You Think, You Losers
Allison in HR gave me the full-court press and explained that some of you think my sports analogies are creating a toxic workplace.
With a Cursory Knowledge of 3D Animation and a Controlled Dose of a Psychoactive Substance, I’m the Man for Your Bowling Alley Score Screen Needs
You are entropy incarnate. Which is captured much more accurately by this clip of a frog with long, sexy lady legs that burps up the word "Strike."
This Moving Half-Time Speech Failed to Inspire a High School Football Team Just Because They Saw Their Coach Kick a Dog Through the Goalpost Before the Game
First off, I didn’t know anybody was watching. And never in a million years would I have guessed that the penalty would be the loss of one hundred points for our team.