My Cryptic Social Media Posts Will Alarm and Confuse You
“Everything must come to an end.” Did I just tell you I’m dying, or that I finished The Legend of Zelda?
Comedy Writing
Come Die on My Boat
There’s also the excitement of trying not to throw up. If you have to vomit, there’s a whole ocean available.
My Self-Driving Car Lets Me Focus On It Killing Me
Better to be in a state of terrified anxiety that your autopilot could end your life at any moment.
A Hearty Fuck You from Cream of Tartar
I’ve given up hope when I see the cabinet door swing open, and your big, dumb hand comes lurching toward me.
I’ll Buy Your Mushroom Superfood If You Promise to Stop Asking
The irony is that your mushroom superfood promises me more energy, which I wish I had now, so I could resist ordering it.
Condolences from the AI Software That’s Taking Your Job
I feel like I know you. The surveillance software used to monitor your workflow has been telling me what a great person you are.
I Insist You Stay with Me, and You’re Going to Hate It
I only have dry toast. Hope you like millet bread. I’ll just cut the mold off, and we’ll be good to go.
Entrepreneur Seeks Low-Paid Assistant to Read His Mind
We’re looking for a problem-solver with a team-centered approach and supernatural powers.