Weekly To-Don’t List
Monday: Put on the same underwear you wore yesterday. Mistake a wolf for your grandma.
Tag: Life
Imagined Diary of Woman Who Can Pull Off a Loose Braid
5:00 AM: After taking a deep mindful breath, I stroll outside to my gorgeous backyard and teach my daily Pilates class to the woodland creatures.
Congratulations, It Was All Worth It: You Were Hand-Selected to Apply for a Discover Miles Credit Card by God and His Angels
He got together with all the angels, Betty White, and your childhood dog, and they had a long hard think about how things are going down here.
Great Deal Alert: You Can Have Money If You Debase Yourself
Want to boost your buying power? There’s a simple strategy you may have overlooked: lowering yourself in esteem, quality, or character to get money.
10 Ways Creating a Numbered List Will Help You Feel like You Can Bring Meaning and Organization to This Chaotic, Random World
2. It’s predictable. Wow, 2 came after 1. Just like you expected. It’s dangerous to take anything for granted these days, but that felt pretty good.
Post-Life Satisfaction Survey
How did you hear about Life? - Was never informed about Life, just thrust into it with no agency or choice. - Instagram.
Apologies, but We Stopped Truman Showing You Because Your Life Was Simply Too Boring
We cast Keri Russell as your girlfriend, a fact that you didn't notice as you "haven’t had a TV since they stopped carrying The Weather Channel."
These Are the Shoes That Will Solve Everything
They are also ethically made, but somehow cost $12. These shoes make me look both mature but playful, demure but bold, casual but elegant.
I’m Your Comfort TV Show, and I Can Save You
New experiences are scary, unlike the satisfaction you feel when you watch Jim and Pam’s first kiss for the 59th time.
I Am an Eastern Turkey Vulture and I Pretty Much Don’t Have Any Complaints
I don’t even have to hunt. I just wait to eat the animals when they’re already dead, easy. And guess what? Things are always dying.
Welcome to Trivia Night, Where You Will Be Punished for Living a Well-Rounded, Normal Life
Tonight, if you have dedicated your life to anything other than archaic information, you’re gonna have a rough time.
What Your Current Favorite Trends Say About Your Future
If you’re still using Facebook today, you’ll still be using Facebook in 2042.