Everything Is Fucked Up Right Now, but I Know What the World Needs: a Think Piece About Wordle
I have to throw in some buzzwords that make eyes glaze over—“pandemic winter,” “lockdown ennui,” and “cultural zeitgeist” should do the trick.
Tag: Twitter
History Altered Forever When Parents of Famous People Act as Modern-Day Snowplows on Twitter
@beyoncedad: Really @starsearch? Girls Tyme is way better than Skeleton Crew, who were just caught doing very bad things. DM me for exclusive pics.
Push Notifications from Gil, Your New Internalized Guilt AI Assistant
Let me know how I can be of use. Today’s Tip: You’re spending too much time on Twitter at the expense of your personal relationships!
What I Imagine a Slow News Day Is Like
7:45 AM: I turn the TV on while I make breakfast. The hosts are showing how to make crab cakes for fifteen minutes straight.
I Trust My Boyfriend, But I Would Trust Him More if I Had All of His Passwords
Is it so terrible that I want transparency? And the permanent ability to login to his Twitter whenever I'm feeling a little fucking insane?
Dogwin’s Law of Internet Discussion
As an online discussion grows longer, eventually someone will reference Clifford the Big Red Dog, effectively ending the discussion.
Definitely My Quarantine Morning Routine
I definitely don’t lay in bed motionless, hovering between sleep and wakefulness, until finally my hungry cat comes and scream-meows in my face.
Immersion Therapy for the Pedantic
I am thrilled to present a treatment for those suffering from actuallytis, the compulsion to make unnecessary, annoying, and pedantic corrections.
The Nightmare Factories in Your Brains Will Remain Open for Business
You may be wondering: Mr. Krueger, are nightmare factories really "essential?" Especially during a pandemic when real life mimics nightmares?
It’s Me, the Intern from Two Years Ago, Totally Not Begging for a Job
How are you? How's the company? I'm asking not because I care, but because I want to ensure that you still work here. You're my most valuable contact.
Why I’ve Always Been a Bloomberg Supporter Since He Started Paying Me $6,000 a Month
Look at my new MacBook Pro, which was purchased with the Bloombucks Mike sends me simply for writing stuff like “Mike knows how to get things done.”
2020 Social Media Oscar Winners
Best Direct Message: Brent Stanko for 1:26am Christmas eve message to ex-girlfriend: “Saw you’re home, would love to reconnect!!”