It’s AT&T, We Apologize for Thursday’s Outage and Also Why Won’t You Talk to Me!?
11:45 PM: Really starting to get worried. 12:12 AM: Are you mad at us? 1:37 AM: Did you block us?
Tag: Corporate
We Only Dumped Toxic Waste in Your Drinking Water to Raise Awareness of Hazardous Dumping
Remember: if our competitors are not fined out of existence, then your friends and neighbors died for nothing.
What I Learned on My Mushroom Retreat for Entrepreneurs
The revelations about the human condition you experience after consuming hallucinogenic mushrooms make it much easier to come up with future Fortune 500 companies.
This Year’s Candy Will Be Earned Through Trust-Building Exercises
Imagine my horror as I watched Mario and Luigi stuff their pockets without a moment’s thought for their fellow trick-or-treater.
Emergency Public Services, Now with Corporate Sponsorship
Pop open a bottle today. It’s guaranteed to take your mind off the waterspout that’s currently ripping the roof off your neighbor’s house.
An Open Letter to the Receipt I Just Got at CVS That Is Inexplicably the Length of a Goddamn Jump Rope
Would you like your receipt via text, email, or Gordian Knot full of surveys and "Extrabucks" offers you can’t throw away fast enough?
So You’re Bored Enough to Read the Back of the Package
We want to extend our deepest gratitude to you for believing in our potato chips. Those other people who didn’t buy our chips can go right to hell.
Welcome to DIVERSIT-AI, the Artificial Intelligence Way to Approach Diversity
Feel free to experiment to make sure you have just the right amount of melanin to sell more popcorn or disrupt the humidifier market.
Why I, a 1960s Business Man Having an Affair, Believe Everyone Needs to Return to Office
Millennials and Gen Z don’t understand how valuable a sense of camaraderie is, or how important mistress time is.
Hold My Calls, I Have a Crush
Immediately reschedule the client-by-client reviews; I like him so much I’m gonna throw up.
Signs That the Company You Work for Has Been Acquired by a Billionaire
In order to save space, your cubicle has been converted into two pyramidicles.
The Very Hungry Caterpillar Executive
On Wednesday he ate through his employee's 401ks, but he was still hungry.