I’m Only on This Dating App Ironically, Unless You’re Interested in Falling in Love or Something
My being here is simply for the lulz and has nothing to do with my ex posting a vacation album with her new boyfriend on social media.
Tag: Dating
The Moments When I Realized My Dates Were a Bunch of Spiders in a Trench Coat
“I was intrigued by the mention of fly fishing on your profile. I like fly fishing too!” “Wow! Let me show you a picture of this fish I caught.” “Fish?”
As a “Short King” Please Understand I Am Duty Bound to the Magna Carta
Con: Quite frequently we will have leave during movie night to oversee the search for knights and an exorcist.
Congressional Valentines Sure to Break Through the Divisiveness
- Let’s form our own special select committee - Please be my Majority Whip - We should move forward with a discharge petition
Local Valentine’s Day Outings for the Unreluctantly Single
Visit The Zoo: The animal kingdom accepts open displays of weeping.
We Revived Love and Romance for Valentine’s Day
While you're stocking up on chocolate-covered everything, fighting tooth and nail for a dinner rez, indulge in these love bites.
Little-Known First Date Tips to Guarantee a Second Date
You Can Mention Frankie Muniz, But Don’t Harp on It: This feels like an obvious one but it is worth mentioning.
A Dating Profile of a Gothic Novel’s Love Interest
Children: No! Ok, I do have one ward. Just the one! She's not my actual child, it’s just… It's complicated.
Are You My Future Boyfriend or a Personal Injury Lawyer?
You’re willing to fight for what I deserve. You categorically accept my claim that, “This is not entirely my fault.”
“Kiss Me, I’m Irish” T-Shirts for Those with Partial Ancestry
Go on two dates with me that seem to go well, but then inexplicably ghost me, I’m half Irish
Rasputin’s Top 10 Tips for Picking Up Women
These tactics will work even if you’ve never spoken to a woman in your life—whether you’re a defrocked priest, or just a little shy.
How to Meet Someone Without the Apps
Discover a New Type of Bug: When you’re talking about the bug on National Geographic, make a joke about how you’re single.