Negotiations from a Hostage Negotiator Who Clearly Has Some Stuff Going On at Home
How many of the hostages are in relationships? 12? Do they seem like they’re happy?
Comedy Writing
Easy Answers to Common Job Interview Questions for Anyone Who Was Saved by a Swamp Creature When They Were Nine
In five years I hope I can stop dwelling on the time when I was sucked into the thick swamp ooze only to be rescued by a creature of the night.
The Ultimate Personality Test: Are You Myers or Briggs from the Myers-Briggs Test?
Are you comfortable being the center of attention? Do you prefer working as part of a team, or by yourself?
Addressing Your Concerns About Me, Your Town’s New Superhero
No, this is not my superhero outfit. Just once you get used to Spandex it’s hard to go back to restrictive dockers.
Ways to Say No to Drugs While Still Looking Cool
“Sorry, I can’t, I’m doing drugs later with a different group of cooler kids.”
You All Know Nothing About My Perfectly Normal Relationship!
Well, I bet you all felt pretty stupid a month later when we got divorced. You all are just wrong time after time.
With a Cursory Knowledge of 3D Animation and a Controlled Dose of a Psychoactive Substance, I’m the Man for Your Bowling Alley Score Screen Needs
You are entropy incarnate. Which is captured much more accurately by this clip of a frog with long, sexy lady legs that burps up the word "Strike."
The 10 Commandments (Taylor’s Version)
2. (Taylor’s Version) Thou shalt not throw shade on my name or thy will face the wrath of hundreds of vengeful Swifites online.
It’s Your First Day at Target, Any Questions Can Be Answered by the Giant Red Orbs Out Front
The customer is always right, unless they contradict an utterance bequeathed by the orbs.
Excerpts from the New Philosophy 101 Textbook, Sponsored by Toyota
Hereclitus’ principle of unity in opposites can best be illustrated by the Toyota Sienna.
I’m Not Afraid to Fight You
You think I won't beat you up? Just watch me! Please, don't fight back. Just watch me beat you up.
My Netflix Fireplace Series Spec Script
The tension from the end of the last film has not gone away, things are getting more tense between the logs as the fire continues to rage.