We Only Dumped Toxic Waste in Your Drinking Water to Raise Awareness of Hazardous Dumping
Remember: if our competitors are not fined out of existence, then your friends and neighbors died for nothing.
Tag: Death
For God’s Sake! Why Are You All Still Ordering Our Spiciest Wings That Have Put 27 in Comas?!
We are strongly discouraging any food vloggers, frat bros, or any self-proclaimed "spice fiends" from coming to Tony’s Tavern (off I-85, exit 17).
Cancel Your Gym Membership in Three Easy Steps and One Impossible Minotaur Fight
Step Three: Click the “Confirm Cancel Membership” Button. Step Four: Unsheath that broadsword, foolish mortal!
Five Turtles You Saved to Get into College and the Spine-Chilling Deaths They’ve Died Since
From the moment you looked into Doris's eyes, you knew that your father's assistant who majored in Comp Lit at Yale would find the right words to describe them.
How to Tell If That Beeping Noise Means Your Fridge Is Slightly Ajar or You’re Slowly Dying of Carbon Monoxide Poisoning
A Subtle Jingle Ascending in Scale: Your Bluetooth headphones are alerting you to a dying battery with a gentle cry for sustenance.
Now That I’m Dead, I Totally Understand Your 1-Star Reviews of My Poorly-Managed Graveyard
I’m dead (claw machine accident, I’m sure it was in the papers) and now that I’ve spent enough time floating around, I’m ready to respond.
This Obituary Does Not Give a Cause of Death, but Wouldn’t You Love to Know
An avid motorcycle rider, Ben loved the freedom of the road. And before you jump to conclusions, no, that’s not how he died.
My Resolution to Quit Eating Children Is Holding Up!
I know, it’s such a cliché: “This year, no more eating children! Not even the wicked ones!” But it makes sense.
This Halftime Locker Room Speech Seems as Good a Time as Any to Confess to My Killing Spree
If we look back to the mistakes, the failures, the death mask grimaces of the asphyxiated faces we’ve left behind, then we’ll never move on.
Google Maps Reviews of the Prickleback Nuclear Testing Facility in Sopps-Daisy, Tennessee
Marie__LocalHairgirl9: A huge part of my childhood. I skinny dipped in the reactor pool as a teen and since then I’ve had a 60 foot vertical leap.
Sometimes My Desert Island Lair Also Doubles as a Waterpark
What, you’re surprised? Remote lairs and underground redoubts do not pay for themselves.
I Want to Kill My Cell Phone
I want to feed my cell phone to an alligator without causing the alligator any digestive issues.